Instant Karma?

In this post I’m not going to reveal the names of others involved because the issue involved is of a highly sensitive and embarrassing nature- New Age music.

Okay, I confess. I played on a few New Age albums. It was just a few times and I’m not proud of it but I’m not ashamed of it. In fact, I think I’m stronger for having done it.

For those who may not know what New Age music is, it’s sort of relaxation/meditation (medication?) music that goes nowhere fast. Think of the sound of a babbling brook in the background with over-echoed piano plinks in the foreground, and you pretty much got a New Age hit right there. Suffice it to say, New Age never got a lot of respect, although its proponents claimed New Age was a link to the “Eternal”, the “Karmic”, the “Godhead.”  Whatever.

I had been hired to fly to Milwaukee to finish up overdubs on a New Age CD. I hated flying, but that was where the label was based, so there was no choice.

This particular label was owned and operated by a group of people who hailed from a particular North European country known for its cold, stark climate and its even colder and starker inhabitants.

On arrival in Milwaukee I was introduced to the project’s co-producer. Let’s call him Svend. Things went pretty smoothly in the studio once everyone got used to each other’s working styles and we all got used to the fact that Svend was from another planet, apparently.

We were working on the start of a track that had a delicate oboe line and I think some wind FX when Svend asked what I thought could be added. I had been playing around with a new hard-disk system that provided instant access to thousands of sounds and quickly dialed up this monstrous sounding stereo sample of a helicopter landing. Everybody got very quiet and looked at Svend. He said, “Where do you hear that, exactly?” Then everybody looked at me. I said, “I don’t know where exactly, but usually in wars and stuff.”

This cracked everybody up, except Svend.

Looking back, it seems that almost instantly Svend was driving me to the airport for my dreaded return flight to Toronto. I think it was actually the next day, though. He paid me and thanked me for my contribution to the “music freedoms” or something like that. No one could understand him half the time.

I was about an hour early, so I killed some time in this really cool used bookstore in the Milwaukee airport and almost missed my flight. Running through the terminal I dug out my boarding pass and flashed it at the gate. The attendants waved me down the ramp and said, “Hurry, it’s just about to taxi out.” I made it and nervously settled into my seat. As the plane rolled out to position I noticed a lot of cowboy hats and plaid shirts and thought “Huh, must be a convention or something.” The pilot welcomed everyone aboard and ended with “It’ll be about 10:00 when we arrive in Nashville.” NASHVILLE?

The flight attendant tried to calm me as I stuttered “To-ron-to, I’m go-ing t-too To-ron-to!”

The airline was great in making the connections for getting me to Toronto that day. I went from Milwaukee to Nashville, TN, to Dallas, TX, to Charlotte N.C., to NYC, to Toronto. Each stop I ran into the terminal, made a phone call home just to see it on my phone bill at the end of the month, and bought a newspaper for the flight. Each plane I boarded the flight attendants said, “Oh, so you’re Mr. Horton”, while they glanced at each other with a smirk, trying very politely to not laugh out loud at the obvious sad-sack standing in front of them. “We’d like to offer you a first class meal and free drinks for this flight”, they said on all five flights. Many hours, meals and drinks later my final flight landed in Toronto. I didn’t land till quite a while later.

I still can’t help but wonder if my little journey would have occurred had I not made a helicopter joke at a New Ager’s expense.

Comments

[Steven Davies]

My Karma is to play chord piano music.
I admire you Carl!!!
Your post is great!

[duncan]

Carl! I've been really enjoying all your little stories, some of them are really fascinating, others are purely hilarious. A helicopter! HAHAHA!!!

Anyway, I know you're a busy man but I'm tapped with 18 other bodies in a less than accomodating house and little stories like this make me laugh in otherwise unlaughable situations. Keep em coming.